Shana (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bejeweledmoon) wrote2020-05-19 12:13 am
bejeweledmoon) wrote2020-05-19 12:13 am
Past, Present, and Future
No matter how many things changed, several things remained the same. People were not among them, and even Shana had to come to that realisation. She would never be who she was once was. Things could never really truly return to how they once had been. But the more differences she found, the more slivers of similarity she found.
One wrong turn and she had found herself surrounded by a thick veil of foliage. Somewhere beyond the barrier of woods and trees and flora rested the remains of Seles. It had been her intended target, truthfully, a pilgrimage of sorts. An excursion she shouldn't have made alone, but considering all she had done, all she had seen, and all she had discovered, she found she couldn't underestimate herself. Strength resided even in her, even when she had thought she none.
Being lost had not seemed the worst scenario.
At least, not until she was certain she had found light reflecting off of hair so undeniably pallid in its appearance. She had followed it deeper and deeper into the forest, curiosity too great to be stifled. For surely it was only that she had seen things and not truly ever there to begin with. He was gone, wasn't he? He was supposed to be.
He had so much been the catalyst for many things that had befallen them all. Even there, where a chapter should have ended, Shana found only a chapter beginning, metaphorical pages turning with every inquisitive step that she took to hunt a wingly who rightfully never should have been there. Phantom or flesh, memories could not rest until she deciphered truth from delusion.
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Stranger still were those things that should be gone that yet remained. Lloyd counting himself among them. He had no recollection of how much time had passed since that final battle, if any had passed at all, nor how he'd ended up... wherever he was, honestly. Faintly he remembered the blinding pull of magic so brilliant he should have been consumed and then...
Trees.
Well, if this was the afterlife it wasn't the worst place he could have ended up. Although with how bone-weary exhausted and frankly half-dead he felt he was fairly certain he was still very much on the mortal plane. Unexpected. Not necessarily unwelcome.
Senses dulled from injury and exhaustion it took him longer to notice he was being followed. While he wasn't exactly in the best shape for a fight he still paused, resting a hand on the hilt of his battered sword. It wasn't much compared to the Dragon Buster, but it would serve him well enough.
"Show yourself." He barked at the woods, irritation effectively hiding the exhaustion in his tone. Bandits, he expected. Simple enough to dispatch. Maybe he'd find something useful on them after, a map perhaps?
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Child of the Moon? Shana didn't want to call herself that either. Her only desire had been to be a normal individual with the freedom to live a life with Dart and the others as they chose to.
Quietly she reached for her bow, back pressed to tree. She didn't want to have to fire it if she didn't have to. And if she did have to... Then she could only hope that she appropriately fired something that would hit the target.
Contrary to his firmly-worded request (or was that a command?), she remained pinioned to where she stood, as rooted as the trees that embraced their current happenstance. "What are you doing here?"
Because you shouldn't be here.
To the best of her ability, she placed aside the tempting waver in her tone. To show fear in the face of adversity...
No. Shana had played the damsel far too many times before. She could only strengthen herself by attempting to do so. Now seemed as good a time as any. She had been the one following him, after all. There were consequences for all actions, even the ones born of innocence.
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Oh. Now that wasn't a voice he expected. For the moment Lloyd almost wished it was bandits instead. Them he could handle, this... A part of him considered disappearing into the forest but he knew in his current state he wouldn't make it far. He gripped the hilt of his sword tighter, uncertain, but made no move to advance nor flee. No, for the moment holding seemed ideal. Shana might not have been to Dart's level, nor was she a Dragoon anymore, but that didn't mean her arrows weren't deadly enough in their own right.
Especially after all the battles she's fought.
"I could ask the same of you." He quipped, keeping his tone level, almost bored, and possibly slightly irritated. "Unlikely you've chosen to dabble in banditry." He added, watching the tree the voice came from with interest. Best not to let her assume he was considering flight instead of engagement and lose his small advantage in surprise.
Besides, he didn't know the answer to her question. He was just as confused about his continued existence as she was. Certainly Shana would be surprised to learn Lloyd was no more eager for this confrontation than she was. If, perhaps, for some few differing reasons.
Having been faced with the weight of his own foolishness and folly... she was arguably the very representative of his failures. That Fate should bring them together... perhaps it was mocking him.
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When it came down to Lloyd, the truth was that Shana still had many questions. Several of which she suspected she would not ever truly ask. Perhaps because she was afraid of what the answers might be. In another time, in another age, in another circumstance, he could have been a valuable asset to all of them. Instead of standing against them, he could have stood with them. She would have preferred that, if she was honest with herself.
She didn't hate him. She simply... Well. How could she trust him.
Her gaze, intent and prying, carefully withdrew an arrow from quiver. She shifted ever subtly, nocking it into place, but she did not raise it. Not yet. Not when she was still evaluating. And chances were that if he knew her sights were on him so steadfast akin to a ship's heading, then he might have seen it fit to pull nothing spontaneously. Or foolishly. Of all things she thought of him, she suspected he wasn't a fool.
Ambitious, yes. Foolish, no. Surely, he'd had his reasons.
Steps drew her closer and eyebrows knit together. "You're hurt," she observed. Or was that a trap...?
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Sensing no murderous intent or vengeance from her after a few moments of the awkward stalemate he let his hand drop from his sword, a subtle sign of surrender. Lloyd understood the onus fell on him to prove he had no ill will toward her and no desire to act as a threat. Not that he could exactly pose much of one at the moment, but he'd have preferred her not realizing that.
He didn't hate any of them. Their altercations all part of his misguided mission, without that there was no further need to remain at odds. In truth leading them on a wild goose chase around the world had been fun in its own way. Something none of them would likely enjoy hearing, he suspected, given the circumstances.
No, he wasn't stupid enough to try to start anything with her now, especially not with an arrow that could be trained on him in the blink of an eye. He'd offer up his sword, but he's not keen on getting shot for trying.
The observation caught him off guard and he stiffened, puffing himself up in a vain attempt to make it look like he's not barely holding himself up. "It's nothing." That's a lie.
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Still very much on guard and cautious, wisely wary, she continued to approach. Her footing stopped, providing them both what she felt was a safe buffer of distance between them.
His response did not fill her with confidence. 'It's nothing' usually meant it was something. Sounded like something Dart would say, even, and if she knew him at all, there was something to be said about pride.
"That's why you're here," she replied thoughtfully. Because he couldn't find the strength to leave, perhaps. Shana wasn't about to say it like that. Truthfully, there was probably more than that. Her bow dropped from the remotely threatening fashion that she held it in and she issued an unimpressed sigh. "It's fine to need help. The sooner you get some, the sooner you can leave."
Better to get him out before anyone else saw him. She suspected the others would not be as kind as she was. And she wasn't even sure she could consider her offer kind, as vague as it had been.
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She was right, of course, 'its nothing' was absolutely a reaction of pride and not truth. He certainly didn't look well, and so close it would be apparent even for the least observant to see he was struggling to remain upright. Lloyd was a stubborn one, no doubt about that.
His mouth drew into a thin line. He couldn't very well argue with her point, she'd figured out exactly why he was still around and traveling by foot. Damn it.
"... It's not as though I can very well walk into a human city for a healer." There, that's the closest to an admission she's getting. Reckless, proud Wingly he might be, but he knew his description had been spread far and wide by now.
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She didn't say it, but she certainly thought it. It didn't please her to think it either. She wasn't a particularly hostile person. Never really had been. Never wanted to be. But if one were to ever assume she had been unchanged by their adventure, that would have been a falsehood. Perhaps a part of her had not wanted that either.
"No, I guess you can't," she replied carefully, still keeping close and intent eye on him.
As she knelt down, she left her bow and the arrow that she had reserved for him. Hands lifted to remove the quiver that was strung over her shoulder and knowing well enough what she could have faced in the forest on her own, she did not travel without thought. She obviously didn't have the makings of a clerical establishment, but she was confident that she had enough to help with something minor.
"I can help."
The words were difficult to get out. But perhaps no more difficult for her to say than they were going to be for him to accept. After all, how likely were they to even help one another? Lloyd had begun to show what seemed a change of heart at the very last chapter of their story, but...
One good deed was not enough to redeem someone from a plethora of bad deeds.
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Slowly and deliberately he made a move to withdraw his sword. "Your wariness is justified. Take it, I have no will to harm you." Perhaps that would put her mind slightly more at ease. He didn't expect her to trust him, not after what he's done, but he's making an effort.
Though her offer to help did earn a perplexed look. "Why would you help me?" He nearly got her killed and turned into the God of Destruction, out of anyone it was Shana he harmed the most.
...Humans truly were difficult to understand. Of course she was right he would find it difficult to accept, maybe not for the reasons she imagined. Guilt and shame were what made him hesitate, not pride.
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She wouldn't trust him blindly.
Shana didn't know how to answer him. Not particularly good at hiding her own feelings or the conflict she felt over the present situation and its various complexities, she believed herself transparent. She frowned minutely, dipping her attention onto the satchel she carried with her. Its contents a variety of bandaging, healing potions and salves. Nothing fancy. Nothing extravagant. Nothing gaudy.
"Why does there need to be a reason?" she asked quietly. But that wasn't good enough and she imagined he wasn't going to just accept it. She was, in some ways, just as dangerous. Rather, she could have been. "It's the right thing to do. At least, I think it is. You're injured. I'm here. I can help. I should. It doesn't need to be complicated."
Despite the fact that human emotions, at least, were incredibly complicated. But it wasn't like Meru didn't experience emotions. Surely Lloyd was capable of them too. Wingly. Human. They weren't... so different in Shana's eyes.
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He'd think her foolish if she did trust him blindly. No, her wariness spoke of learned wisdom, he'd not fault her for it. Once she was willing to let him he withdrew the sword and tossed it to the side behind her, well out of reach. The gesture earned a slight wince he ignored, the injuries being far worse than he let on.
It didn't help Winglies were natural empaths, even Meru had displayed the ability. As such they learned to more thoroughly disguise their emotions... Humans had no need to restrict themselves so. It also made them easier to read, for better or worse.
He considered her words, there was a time he'd argue everyone acts with reason. But ever since he'd run into Wink he wasn't so certain about that anymore. Still, she spared him having to press further.
Should he sit? He should probably sit if she's going to insist on doctoring him. How did he get himself into these situations? "Hm," It wasn't really agreement. "One could argue the right thing would be to allow a criminal of my caliber to die from his wounds." He pointed out. Both would be equally moral stances, depending on perspective.
"Your mercy is appreciated."
He added more quietly as he moved to settle in the ground. If he's going to cooperate he might as well stop trying to stand before he passed out.
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Shana waited until he sat and after a moment's consideration, she joined him. How surreal. To sit with a man she had once considered an enemy. Was he still one in the present? She couldn't say for certain and the uncertainty in her expression betrayed that. Possibly a reflection of his own, at that. She wasn't confident enough to say. Not yet, anyway.
"That isn't an argument I'd make," and he likely knew that. She didn't think she was so affected by the events of their journey together that she'd wish bad things on bad people. Although a part of her... might have. His following words caught her. Her mercy. Yes. That was what it was, after all. He probably wouldn't have repaid her in the same kind.
She shook her head, "Must be hard for you say that." Not a dig. Just that he didn't strike her as the sort to free such words easily. Her satchel in her lap, she motioned to him thoughtfully. "You will need to tell me... what happened." Where he was injured, which she didn't want to say it quite like so. After a moment, she gestured to her shoulder. "Here, I assume."
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How surreal the whole situation was certainly wasn't lost on him. Sitting beside the Moonchild, whom he'd intended to reunite with her flesh to be born as a god... And here she was offering to try to tend the remaining wounds from the very battle that resulted. Granted Lloyd did not realize how much time had passed, which would make the situation even more baffling if he did. It wasn't at all like the cave they'd hid from the snowstorm in, where she'd been surrounded by her protectors.
Speaking of, where were they? Odd they'd have separated so quickly, he felt. Or perhaps the battle scattered them? He just nodded at her words, of course he already knew that. It was a major difference between them. Were he in her position he would have only seen a villain far beyond redemption. What was it about these humans that prevented them from doing just that?
Absently he pulled back a sleeve so she could get at his shoulder. He wasn't exactly feeling like volunteering the full extent of his injury, even if she was offering to help. Exposing too much to someone he still considered a potential threat seemed unwise. And yet her words earned a frown, confusion plain on his face.
"...Given that you were present for the event I would assume you would know?" Uh, Shana, are you okay? Did you miss the part where Melbu Frahma obliterated him like a fly? Then again she had been pretty out of it at the time. Or maybe Lloyd is the one who isn't okay, that possibility did begin to dawn on him at this very moment. "I should be dead, if you recall." He muttered, tugging the cloth back further, still frowning. His own hasty patch job wasn't doing much, he should really stop making this more difficult than it needed to be.
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Her words halted in her throat, partially because while he was right and she knew very well it was not the best way she could have voiced her opinion, she felt a hint annoyed. But it quickly passed. Lloyd had oft been a somewhat abrasive if not outright enigmatic personality. She could not begrudge him his response.
Shana's gaze dropped a moment and then she drew her attention onto his shoulder, using her examination of it to stall for some time while she thought of a better way to continue. With some care and a moment's hesitance, she gently coaxed his hand away and with one, saw to his sleeve herself. Her other fished blindly for one of the salves she had on her.
"I remember," she finally said. Of course she did. "You obviously aren't. You can understand if I don't know where to begin with you. I can't bring anyone back from the dead."
...To her knowledge.
"But this—" She motioned to his shoulder before she brought her gaze back onto him. "I can handle this. I don't have to carry you anywhere, right? If you're about to say I do, the only way you're getting out of this forest is if I'm pulling after me."
Which meant she'd probably be dragging him. But given that he was on his feet before, he probably required nothing more. In the end, it seemed more reasonable that she was goading him. After everything he had put her through, after everything he had put all of them through, he deserved that at the very least.
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He'd rather maintain what little dignity he had left, thank you very much.
"Fortunate, then, that as far as I can tell I am very much alive." He muttered dryly. She's probably not dealing with a zombie. He's almost completely certain that isn't the case, of course if he'd kept on the way he was there was a strong possibility he'd not have stayed alive much longer. Shana's stumbling across him might just have saved his life, even if he is too proud to confess that prematurely, however.
Speaking of his pride, her comment earned only the flattest of looks. "I am perfectly capable of walking," He insisted, huffing in mild annoyance. "If it comes to that, leave me to the forest creatures." Yes he's being dramatic, no he doesn't entirely mean it. And... yes deep down he knows he deserves far worse than goading. This he can tolerate after everything he'd put them through.
Tending the shoulder should help, at least, but the issue still remained that he'd taken a magical laser beam through him so he should probably get himself to an actual clinician sooner rather than later. But Lloyd is a fool, and burned a whole lot of bridges in his wake. The idea of dragging his sorry hide into a human clinic wasn't at all appealing. Then of course there was the issue of not only did he not know where he was, he couldn't get his bearings right now. Too weak to fly, how pathetic was that?
LOOK HOW LATE I AM.
She wanted to say it. Wanted to and didn't. Here was the man responsible for so much of her suffering, and at the end of it all, Shana couldn't spit proverbial vitriol at him. She couldn't give him a piece of her mind the way she had sometimes considered doing so in the background of her thoughts. It wasn't that she was afraid, though perhaps a little of her was. It was simply that in the end, what good would it have done? It wouldn't change anything. Things still happened as they did. They were still here now. She'd likely end up taking him to Seles with her and from there...
Well. She could figure out what they were going to do past that. Contact Dart. Let him deal with things. Or maybe not, because she knew how Dart could be from time to time.
"Then we'll walk. After I take care of this," she finally managed to reply, prying her gaze off of his and back onto his shoulder.
...How was he even still up and about? She couldn't get it at all. It was some immense luck on his part. Or misfortune, considering he'd likely be paying with his years for every misdeed he'd executed. Retribution, of a sort, and certainly out of her hands.
With care, she tended to him, applied salve to wounds, and distracted him with conversation. "I'm going to Seles. That's where I was heading when I found you." I thought I was seeing things. For only a moment, she found herself catching his gaze once more. "You should be able to rest there for a bit. Long enough for you to decide what you plan on doing."
Could he even return to his people? Was there a place for him anywhere at all? She still had so many questions, but the wisdom not to ask them. At least not yet.
IT'S ALL GOOD
How indeed? He'd been wondering that himself, though had the sense not to ask and call attention to whatever powers might realize their error and strike him down. Much as he'd been expecting to die he wasn't eager for it. Especially not with such a failure hanging over him. No, he still didn't know what to do with himself but it certainly wasn't give up. Not yet. Her distraction was welcome enough, as much as he hid it the pain was immense. "Thank you," He murmured quietly. "Do you know the way?"
Because he hated to admit it but he was having some difficulties orienting himself through the forest. With flight temporarily out the window and trees in the way, finding landmarks was proving difficult.
She could probably get away with asking a few. Lloyd had no further reason to be tight-lipped. His work was done, no more need for secrecy. And Shana, above all, deserved some answers.
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His voice, or at least those two words reverberated across her insides. There was an irony in hearing them from him, considering all that had happened between them. They were, inevitably drawn together in the face of the story that had tied them to the same pathway. Perhaps there was something about fate that drew them together once more. Shana had never considered what she might do if she'd seen him again. There had never been a moment she'd thought much about the what-if's of such a scenario.
Things had seemed so finite. And if they were not... Well. What then? She supposed she could take nothing for granted at the end of it all.
Wrapping his shoulder with a good deal of care and reverence, she didn't find herself answering him until she was satisfied with how she secured bandaging. Her gaze returned onto him and after a moment's consideration, she nodded. "I should be able to find the way. It's not my first time through here. Dart and I used to come when we were younger." In many ways, the forest was one of the few places that hadn't changed with time. In it, Shana felt an odd kind of familiarity and comfort. At least she had one place she could retreat to if she ever needed it.
As she raised to her feet, she eyed him patiently. "Can you stand?"
'Do you need help' went unsaid, but she suspected that it was transparent in the way she watched him. She would help if he needed it. They had already gotten this far, after all. She would leave nothing half done.
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Truth be told he'd expected to disappear out into the wilderness, if he even survived, and likely they would never hear of him again. Or perhaps turn himself in to Serdio for trial. He wasn't sure yet, difficult decisions shouldn't be made impulsively while under intense amounts of pain, he felt.
Lloyd was quiet while she worked, allowing for those few moments his carefully maintained poise to slip as he slumped under the weight of his injury. It was worse than he'd let on, as she'd likely now realized, and of course Shana was probably very accustomed to proud, stubborn men not letting anything that could be confused as "weakness" out. Once she finished he promptly attempted to regather his composure as he moved to force himself up, biting back any sound of pain that might escape. It was... better. He'd at least not bleed out all over himself in the immediate future.
"So we are close to... Seles, then." The pause was a grunt as he'd moved to force himself unsteadily back to his feet. While the offer of help was appreciated, Lloyd was far too proud to accept it just yet. He may end up regretting his pride in the near future. For the moment he wasn't completely ready to let his guard down around her. By the time he managed to get back to his feet he was pale, paler than normal anyway, from the exertion, clearly putting on airs of being in better shape than he was. Still, pushing it aside he nodded toward his thrown aside sword.
"If there are dangerous beasts in these woods I would like to defend myself." But... he'll leave it up to her. If Shana was too uncomfortable with him armed he'd leave the work to her. Wherever they went now it was his turn to follow her lead. What a strange twist of fate indeed.
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After she packed up what few travelling belongings she had come with in tow, she carefully slung her bow back over her shoulder where it had rested before she had even come to know of him in the forest with her. He made mention of the beasts, to which there were likely some here and there. No forest was complete without them, after all. Dart had usually been the one to defend her when such things happened. A bow would not necessarily be the end-all, be-all.
Lloyd would be practical. If he could even still swing his sword. Hopefully neither would have to find out. In a show of good faith, Shana made way for his sword and after what appeared to be a degree of thought and consideration, she offered it over to him by the hilt.
"We'll go together," she offered. Not with him behind her because she certainly didn't trust him at her back. But not in front of her either because if something did happen and he couldn't defend himself adequately, she would need to interfere. But together.
What a seemingly foreign concept when it came to bringing the two of them at the same place at the same time.
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Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on the situation, it was his casting arm that was largely out of service, he could still swing a sword. If stiffly... Ideally they wouldn't encounter anything too dangerous while he was still at risk of bleeding out should he ruin her careful patch job. When she finally settled on handing it to him he offered a polite nod, acknowledging without words the weight that silent gesture held. A truce. For the time being.
He considered her words thoughtfully, and after a few moments offered another nod. "Together," He agreed, moving to join her. Lloyd didn't typically travel with anyone, the last time being when he was more or less a "captive" of her party. This would certainly be... unusual. "Is it far?" Not that he'd complain if it was, he simply didn't have any supplies of his own and did not expect a long trip to be sustainable in his current condition.